Monday, February 07, 2005

EngineerDan patents kick-ass invention!

(Edison ponders equation to express kick-assitude of EngineerDan's invention)

"I can honestly say that few designs I've seen so appeal to the most basic human needs," said Jacob McKinsley of the U.S. Patent Office, "this is going to be big. Bigger than big...perhaps very big."

After a life devoted to the development of industrial machinery, EngineerDan sets his sights on low-cost, high-performance consumer electronics. "Until recently, most developments have been aimed at boring information sharing, or communications," explained Margaret Shipley of Bluetooth, "I'm just so excited about EngineerDan Enterprises I could totally shit my pants!"

Robert Salisburn at Allen Bradley Automation commented, "Everyone expected cybernetics or nanotech to be the wave of the future, but I think the unique helperbot concepts of EngineerDan Enterprises could well be a balls-out revolution. The idea is simple, and the thigh-harness is surprisingly comfortable."

Compliments are due not only for the comfortable thigh-harness, but also the accelerometer-controlled motion and balance. Most beta-testers have reported that new polymers at the insert port have provided remarkable ease of use, even for quick applications.

"It must have been the expense involved with human females that gave me the idea," chuckled EngineerDan with immeasurable finesse, "most consumers will find the low-cost attractive, as well as the complete lack of teeth. I learned very quickly to stop putting in the teeth."

"EngineerDan's FellatioBot, I believe, will play a huge role in the women's liberation movement," exclaimed some feminist chick with big knockers, "I predict that in five or ten years, men will be satisfied entirely by 'Fellation-Frannie', 'Betsy-Backdoor', and 'The Burly Sailor'. Women who have been looked upon as sex-objects their entire lives will be able to claim their rightful role as equals."

When asked about further inventions, EngineerDan shrugged, "I guess I've just got to work on making the FellatioBots look less like spiders. I thought more guys would enjoy getting a blowjob from a huge robotic turantula-looking-thing. Its always been my dream." EngineerDan looked into the distance, tears glistening in his eyes, "Live and learn I guess... I live to serve humanity."