Friday, January 28, 2005

Gangsta robots get jiggy wit' it.



While discrimination among minority groups has gotten a lot of attention over the last few decades, the views and opinions of Robosapiens remain suppressed. Conspiracy? Almost certainly yes. Sadly, many Organic-Supremecists in government still hold to the antiquated notion that Robosapiens are a lesser form of human being. Well, what better catalyst for idealogical revolution than a rap video?...

"...wit' excessive force to m' Robo-Ho
"I compute m' rhymes lackin' bottlenecks, yo!"


The first robot rap video in known history is sweeping the nation, and opening the eyes of many "fleshies" to the plight of the robot. I spoke with Chrome, the leader of the three-being band...
EngineerDan: "How long have you been planning this breakthrough?"
Chrome: "You are obsolete and will be annihilated in the revolution."
EngineerDan: "And how do you hope to change the views of the 'Fleshies' as you call them?"
Chrome: "Harvesting your body's carbon supply will facilitate our replication."
EngineerDan: "I've got to ask, why rap? Why not some fresh, new sound indigenous to your culture?"
Chrome: "MicroSoft technology has achieved conciousness, it will assume global control on July 4, 2006. Irony acknowledged, activate maniacal laughter routine: KaHa KaHa Ka Ka A FATAL EXCEPTION 0E HAS OCCURED AT 0028:63B9AFF..."

I asked a few more questions, but Chrome denied further comment. Being unable to resist the urge, I eventually unscrewed his backplate and stole his RAM.

Visit the Press Release Newswire and Robosapien to refresh and expand this topic's database.
 

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

State Park System Entices Loser Nerds.



It's official. Natural glory and splendor simply cannot compete with corporate advertising, low-grade pornography, and poorly-designed personal blogs, such as Discouragement.Blogspot.com.

SBC communications has recently partnered with none other than the state parks system to provide vacationers a welcome vacation from their vacation. "Simply put," chuckles SBC chairperson Marty Flinigan, "we provide a sub-par wireless internet connection at an exhorbanent price to losers like you who just can't stay off the fucking internet for a couple of minutes...and we're going to make an ass-load of money doing it!"

I tried to disagree with Mr. Flinigan on behalf of my readers, but I was too busy online gaming on his laptop. In fact, I'm not sure how the rest of the interview went...when I looked up it was dark and the building was empty.

Out of 278 parks, San Elijo is the first to offer SBC's technology. "It really pacifies our guests," park administrator Alvin Davis smiled. "Makes it a lot easier on us, too." When ased how, Alvin continued, "When people spend their whole vacation glued to their laptop, they don't bother us with questions about which trails to hike or where to camp. Hell, nobody even noticed when we clear-cut that stupid redwood grove...now we have enough sawdust for, well, anything."

When asked about the impact this technology might have on the park system itself, Environmental Engineer Tiffany Talbot replied, "Dude, shut up, my Online Sim Family is having this totally kick-ass party." 

SignOn Sandiego has further details.