Friday, January 28, 2005

Gangsta robots get jiggy wit' it.



While discrimination among minority groups has gotten a lot of attention over the last few decades, the views and opinions of Robosapiens remain suppressed. Conspiracy? Almost certainly yes. Sadly, many Organic-Supremecists in government still hold to the antiquated notion that Robosapiens are a lesser form of human being. Well, what better catalyst for idealogical revolution than a rap video?...

"...wit' excessive force to m' Robo-Ho
"I compute m' rhymes lackin' bottlenecks, yo!"


The first robot rap video in known history is sweeping the nation, and opening the eyes of many "fleshies" to the plight of the robot. I spoke with Chrome, the leader of the three-being band...
EngineerDan: "How long have you been planning this breakthrough?"
Chrome: "You are obsolete and will be annihilated in the revolution."
EngineerDan: "And how do you hope to change the views of the 'Fleshies' as you call them?"
Chrome: "Harvesting your body's carbon supply will facilitate our replication."
EngineerDan: "I've got to ask, why rap? Why not some fresh, new sound indigenous to your culture?"
Chrome: "MicroSoft technology has achieved conciousness, it will assume global control on July 4, 2006. Irony acknowledged, activate maniacal laughter routine: KaHa KaHa Ka Ka A FATAL EXCEPTION 0E HAS OCCURED AT 0028:63B9AFF..."

I asked a few more questions, but Chrome denied further comment. Being unable to resist the urge, I eventually unscrewed his backplate and stole his RAM.

Visit the Press Release Newswire and Robosapien to refresh and expand this topic's database.
 

31 Comments:

Blogger Mrs. Darling said...

Hey thanks for visiting me. I have to admit I don't understand a thing you're saying in this entry, or most of your entrys for that matter, but it appears like others do so kudos for having a great blog. LOL

January 28, 2005 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

Thank you for the kind words. This site is devoted to techie nerds such as myself, and the attempts at humor herin quickly cause a stack overflow in idividuals whose left brain has not won the bicameral civil war. Not understanding this blog, in fact, confirms that you are a fully functional human being, and not a mere technological avatar such as myself.

January 28, 2005 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger iurodivii said...

seems like having stolen the activitybrain of a robot, you might be a bit more inclined to be straightforward and less distracted by the ups and downs of being a humanemotionalcreaturebynature. though i wouldn't recommend installing the RAM in your back, cause it might dribble or sag and accidentally amplify your smart ass

January 28, 2005 at 2:20 PM  
Blogger Faustus said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 28, 2005 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

Iuridivii, your comment, while completely unintelligable, helps me to understand the complex emotions that well up inside a right-brain individual. I respect that, in much the same way that I respect the way dogs just sometimes decide to eat their own turds. Nobody knows why! They just do, it's so wild!

To my other readers, here's a copy of why Iuridivii is pissed at me:

depth rising
by iuridivii
inbetweentimes one can set down the camel, shrug one's shoulders a few times, and bound over the brigthgreenearth with only breath to weigh the body down.

it is a communitive effort to dwell among the flowers and yet stoke the chimneys with one's days, for approachreapproachreapproachreing the fires and coming back to laughter is a magic that will never dwindle -- nomatterhowlong the heat scorches one's face -- laughter shields the soul.


posted by iurodivii @ 13:07

1 Comments:
EngineerDan said...
I know. Laughter has healed my soul many times. A dear friend of mine needed money to pay rent once because he had spent all his on a new TV. He was desperate. Well, I wasn't going to loan him money, so I just laughed and laughed and laughed. He said he was really broke and needed help so bad. Well, that made me laugh even harder. When he started to cry, I mean big grizzly bear tears, I pretended that I was crying too. "Oh boo hoo, I'm a big broke baby, look at me. I don't have any money because I'm so stupid. Boo hoo hoo!" He put his head down on the table and said he didn't have anyone else to turn to. When he wasn't looking, I grabbed the back of his head and smacked it into the table really hard. Probably a little too hard as a matter of fact, because he blacked out. I just couldn't stop laughing at this point and I took a can of cheez-wiz and covered the back of his head with it and then lay crackers down on the cheez-wiz and started racing those miniature cars over the crackers, "Vroom vroom, I don't have any money, boo hoo, vroom vroom." Then I wrapped plastic wrap on his hands and picked him up like a big floppy puppet going, "Look at me! I'm Mr. Plastic-Wrap Hands! I've got plastic wrap for hands." Then I ate a half a bowl of his Cheerios, dumped the rest in the sink, and laughed all the way home.

January 28, 2005 at 2:35 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

Mark Asimus,

Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I found you blog by simply clicking through the "Next Blog" button ad infinitum.

I hope you can take the time to skim some of my accurate scientific journalism. In the words of my new best friend Iuridivii, "I praise your noble activitybrain. You are truly a great humanemotionalcreaturebynature"

January 28, 2005 at 2:41 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 28, 2005 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Also why would you treat your so called friend like that.If he needed your help the least you could do was try to help him out.

January 28, 2005 at 6:01 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

Cristina, since you are obviously retarded, I will take it easy on you. Let me explain:

Trying to know everything? Did you even read my blog? Of course, the answer is no. If you had, you would realize exactly how absurd your statement is. Everything I write is a parody, not a quest for knowledge...Jesus Christ, you're making my brain melt over here.

Second, examine really hard the reasons why you believe in God. That's all it took for me to become an atheist. I've been in your camp...don't worry, at 15 you have plenty of time to grow up. King Solomon was probably dumber than you, if that's even possible. Its just that everyone else in his time period was so subserviant and superstitious they believed his propaganda. So do you, for the same reasons. Your God doesn't exist and you're wasting your energy. Do something useful for Christsake.

Last, the article about my friend was A FUCKING JOKE!!! HA HA HA HA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SO STUPID!!! YOU ACTUALLY THOUGH I PUT CHEEZ WHIZ ON A GUY'S HEAD AND DROVE MATCHBOX CARS ON IT!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???

Please keep posting, my intelligent friends are too difficult to make fun of.

As Jesus Christ told his children, "Dude,I mean this in the nicest way possible.Get a life!"

January 28, 2005 at 10:15 PM  
Blogger Christie Mae said...

Cristina, honey, darling...don't challenge an engineer. Just don't do it. Stick to the nice safe blogs that are straightfoward and have lots of pink. And in the future, if you don't like what a blog has to say, don't make a comment, don't read it, just hit next blog and save yourself the torment.

EngineerDan I think you may have scared her away...mock more subtley next time if you want the dumb ones to continue to leave comments ;)

January 28, 2005 at 11:20 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Look i was just kind of kidding ,I`m sorry if I insulted u .I feel realy bad about it.Umm,I`m just sorry okay.I`m not a fake christian,I really love God,I guess i shouldn`t have told you to get a life.Sorry

January 28, 2005 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

Cristina, dear, bless your little heart. Honey, there's no need to be sorry and I completely accept your apology. Let me offer mine as well.

For my readers, in the deleted post, this little sweetheart comes in swingin' because she mistook my Laughter, Friend Borrowing Money story for a true event, gets mad (what altruistic person wouldn't, were it a real occurence?), and tells me to get a life via scriptural accompiniment.

Being the hard-hearted bastard I am, I tear her to shreds (as you have likely read) AND...

the cherub tells me she's sorry for hurting my feelings!

Cristina, I have officially changed my opinion of you from retard to hard-wailing rock star. You're a credit to your religion and are probably in the top 1% of humanity in the practice-what-you-preach category.

Can we give her a round of applause, folks?

(...and the Grinch's heart grew THREE sizes that day.)

January 29, 2005 at 3:09 AM  
Blogger Christie Mae said...

Drama drama drama

January 29, 2005 at 8:12 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

No, here's some Drama! Prime time style!

Tonight on ER (that's the Engineering Room):

ED=EngineerDan
OG=Other Guy
CM=Christie Mae

OG: "Where are those VFDs? I need five 2HP VFDs by noon!"
ED: "Dammit, would you RELAX? I'm trying to post a comment on my weblog, a comment that could mean LIFE OR DEATH."
OG: "...(icy stare)"
ED: "...(confident aloofness)"
OG: "Dammit, that machine's LIFE is on the LINE!"
ED: "Dammit, that machine will do what I want when I want, because I'm: (dun dun DAH!) EngineerDan."

Christie Mae enters:

CM: "EngineerDan, I brought you that coffee, I know all the drama can be draining!" (CM trips on a set of schematics and crashes to the floor.)
ED: "Ha Ha Ha Ha!"
OG: "Ha Ha Ha Ha, Dammit."
CM: "Why are you laughing? I have broken coffee cup shards stuck in my gums!"
ED: "Lucky for you, I just perfected this shard extraction machine." (Produces set of pliers)
OG: "Oh, EngineerDan, you're too much!"
CM: "It hurts..."

Chris Rock enters for no apparent reason: "Damn, Cracker! You one bad-ass mo' fo'!"

Flashing lights go on, C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat" starts blaring, and EngineerDan starts breakdancing while bikini babes pour in the Engineering Room door. Christie Mae jumps up and starts screaming that Chihuahuas are taking over the world, until two orderlies take her out in a straightjacket.

January 30, 2005 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

GUY FROM RAPPING ROBOT VIDEO ACTUALLY EMAILS ENGINEERDAN.

"EngineerDan,

I do not appreciate the mocking viewpoint you have taken on this video. Please remove your post or a legal response will follow.

Robert"
---------
"Robert,

Go fuck yourself.

EngineerDan"
-----------
"EngineerDan

Your post is in copyright violation, you are hereby ordered to remove it and pay $1000 royalties to [Robert's full name]....

The offices of Schmit and Gonzo"
-------

Just kidding, turns out Robert's a good old dude. What he really said was more like,

"Funny stuff! Maybe I'll pick your brain for one of the later episodes for some dialogue or plot ideas. :)

The current episode in progress (next one) is "Robosapien vs Duck!". It will be filled with graphic scenes of actual Duck on Robosapien violence."

I'm calling the SPCA!

And by that I mean...AWESOME!

January 30, 2005 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Hey,I know that after what happended it seems better if we leave it there,but I read in your profile that you were interested in music composition.I go to an art school,and major in instrumental music (orchestra) .I play the violin and i though that it would be nice to share some thoughts.Just to get on in the right foot.

January 30, 2005 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

I usually get on in the left foot, but sure, why not? Lets post any music discussions on my first article "Planck Time", so as not to confuse my loyal readers interested in the Robosapiens. You can find "Plank Time" in my 01/09/05 archives. We'll set this up as an open discussion forum for anybody interested.

January 31, 2005 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger Thérèse said...

Wow... I go away for a weekend and look what I missed. Hah. Poor Cristina. I'll bet she didn't realize that when she said what she said you'd say what you say and make her say what she said about what she said.

EngineerDan, don't let this be the only edition of ER - Engineer Room. Soooo many places you could go with that...

January 31, 2005 at 10:49 AM  
Blogger Faustus said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 31, 2005 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger Terence said...

This is absolutely the most confusing comment stream I have ever seen, you can't tell the players without a score card and some robot just ran off with mine...

...As to the robots, the next generation of the robosapiens look really cool.

January 31, 2005 at 10:50 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

I would encourage all of my readers to visit Terence's blog. I find it quite funny, and he has a link to me...a sign of obvious good taste.

Mark Asimus, I feel like I have the beginnings of a cheerleader squad beginning here. I'll have to put you on the payroll. Once again, compliments are appreciated...as I am egotistical AND insecure. I see that you are a guitarist and a singer such as myself. Perhaps you'd like to join the music discussion on my post "Planck Time".

February 1, 2005 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Collin said...

Well, as long as it feeds your ego and sooths your insecurity, I too will hop on the "I really like your blog" bandwagon. As I do. Really like it that is. So. Yeah. About that "payroll"...

February 1, 2005 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger EngineerDan said...

Presently, I pay my cheerleading squad in popcorn shrimp. Of course, the popcorn shrimp are imaginary, but DELICIOUS!

I award you four.

February 2, 2005 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

In hopes of receiving popcorn shrimp (imaginary or not: shrimp is shrimp), I too will jump in and say i love this blog.

February 13, 2005 at 7:45 PM  
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